DBx SEASON I: Tallahassee vs Liliana Vess
Description NO RULES! JUST BLOODSHED! "Do you know the secret to Mankind's Greatest Weakness? The Dead outnumber the Living..." - Missy; Doctor Who. Apparently Some Twinkie desperate Badass didn't get the Memo... Will Tallahassee kill armies of Zombies for that Twinkie, or worse; SNO BALLs? Interlude NO RULES! JUST BLOODSHED! D! B! '' X! '' Beginning Location: The United States of ZOMBIELAND (Area Undefined.) As Tallahassee & the Gang went their separate ways, the former went into his SUV, driving back to homecity of Tallahassee. As Tallahassee was closing onto the State of Florida, A woman, physically around her 30's was blocking the Georgia/Florida Border. Tallahassee was forced to a squealing halt in his SUV. He then raged. Tallahassee: Oi! You, bitch! What the hell are you doing in the m- He then stopped to look out the side window. He saw a feminine female lady who just Planeswalked to Earth due to a phenomenon that occured by accident. She was no longer in the Multiverse she knew, but rather; '' OUR '' Multiverse. Tallahassee then apologized. Tallahassee: Ohhhhh... SOOOO sorry anonymous lady... And you are? Liliana: My name is Liliana Vess. But please, call me Liliana. I was Planeswalking back to Dominaria, until a phenomenon occurred that rearranged and morphed my perception of the Multiverse. Now, I'm afraid I'll never return to my precious worlds again... Do not feel bad for me. Tallahassee: Well this is Earth; a planet. The Solar System is called, well, it's the same name as the type. The Galaxy is called the Milky Way, we don't even have a name for the Universe unfortunately; we haven't seen the whole thing... So... The Multiverse, ey? Are we dealing with a shitload of Light Years? Liliana: Yes. Depending on what you mean by Light Years. Tallahassee was perplexed. A human without the intelligence for Light Years? That's new... Tallahassee: How fast light travels in a year? It's called a Light Year for way too easy to understand reasons. But anyways, I just want to damn near get back home in Tallahassee. Liliana got the Zombie Hunter in her web by earning his trust! She kept at it. Liliana: What area of this "planet" is this? Tallahassee: Ugh... Enough 20 Questions Dammit. This is Georgia, and you're on the border to it, and Florida. You are currently in the UNITED STATES OF ZOMBIELAND, formerly the United States of America. Now either you give me a goddamn Twinkie and move on, or I really will ram over you, Bitch. Liliana: You really don't understand even your own universe, do you? I know my whole Multiverse by heart, making you the FOOL! Tallahassee: You fucking tricked me! It got worse, Liliana was summoning a horde of Zombies, and brainwashing those that didn't even care before... Tallahassee got his Remington ready and... The Fight '' HERE WE GOOO!! '' Tallahassee tried to fire at Liliana, but just microseconds before the bullet hit, Liliana warped to another area. Tallahassee now had to deal with the Zombie Army. But he had the perfect tool to fight against them: His truck. '' RULE 21: BREAK IT UP '' He properly shot and killed Zombies along the way, and just barely got in as he shut the door on a Zombie head. He used his foot. '' RULE 11: USE YOUR FOOT '' Tallahassee put his Seatbelt on, he then went on to Scream at some of the Zombies; who look suspiciously like kids who liked DORA the Explorer. '' RULE 4: WEAR SEATBELTS '' As Tallahassee was running over armies of Zombies, he remembered to do one thing... '' RULE 2: DOUBLE TAP. '' With those Zombies out of the way, Tallahassee now had one thing to do before obliterating a Zombie Military; KILL THE DEFIANT NECROMANCER. Liliana was secretly hiding in the back section of Tallahassee's Truck bringing more Zombies to her side by the second. Tallahassee then heard some faint noises as he pulled out his AK-47, and open fired. '' RULE 31: CHECK THE BACK SEATS '' Liliana disappeared to Tallahassee's side. Just as he was pointing his Mossberg Shotgun at the bottom of her chin. No. That's EXACTLY what Liliana wants him to do. As Tallahassee fired, Liliana suddenly vanished, and he saw more undead in various forms going after him now... Tallahassee then went to reverse. '' RULE 27: INCOMING! '' As Tallahassee was mowing down hordes of undead, the brains were vicariously crushing each other violently. It was far better than even many Double Taps! As this was happening, Tallahassee put on a mix CD with a variety of Hard a Rock & just about every modern, mainstream Metal Band. He tried something by Ozzy Osborne... (Plays Crazy Train) Tallahassee: Overplayed... Next, Nightwish... (Plays The Kingslayer) Tallahassee: This is kinda epic, but I have better... (Plays SLAYER's RAINING BLOOD) '' RULE 32: ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS '' Tallahassee: YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH!!! (Shows DIO's Devil Horns not just in memory, but as a confidence booster. '' RULE 13: SHAKE IT OFF '' Then, out of the blue, a Zombie Dog jumped at Tallahassee's Van, crashing the front window, biting at Tallahassee's arm with a lockjaw. Tallahassee: YOU BITCH! GET THIS FRIGGEN PUPPY OFF ME! Tallahassee then pulled out his knife and stabbed it in the brain, then did it more times until the Zombie Dog is dead. That was no Knife though... it was a... '' RULE 33: SWISS ARMY KNIFE '' With the Zombies all over the place, Tallahassee had no choice but to clean the Blood up, and he had a spare roll of Select-a-Size Bounty Paper Towels somehow fitting his glove compartment... '' RULE 12: BOUNTY PAPER TOWELS '' But as the scent of iron alone swarmed over the Undead, Tallahassee completely forgot about his ultimate goal; (Where the hell is Liliana?) He gathered as many weapons, guns especially, and even a frying pan... '' RULE 6: THE SKILLET '' AND his Swiss Army Knife... And ran a fucking Marathon. '' RULE 20: IT'S A MARATHON, NOT A SPRINT, UNLESS IT'S A SPRINT, THEN SPRINT '' As Tallahassee was Running for his life... '' RULE 1: CARDIO '' As he was slaying Zombies with a Military Grade Machine Gun as he mowed down Zombies, Tallahassee made short work at technically knocking out Zombies in front with a Frying Pan, effectively tripping Zombies that were still standing. Even if they crawled, it will take too ling for them to catch up with Tallahassee. But he kept running, ultimately reaching, well who else? Liliana: Hmm... How curious. You must be quite a Zombie Hunting Expert to kill an entire MILITARY's WORTH OF FORMER LIFE... I was wrong about you. Tallahassee said nothing. He Deadeyed with his Desert Eagle AE, which had one round left. '' RULE 25: SHOOT FIRST '' Liliana was mortally wounded. Without her Zombie Army, she is sparce to the point of having NO POWER. There were little amounts of Zombies left in the area, but not even close to letting Liliana escape with such an exit wound. Tallahassee: I should've told you from the Beginning... I'm not afraid of hitting a bitch like you. '' RULE 17: DON'T BE A HERO '' Tallahassee used the rest of his Machine Gun Bullets to MERCILESSLY slaughter someone who just wanted to go home... But as a last ditch effort to stop Tallahassee, Liliana brainwashed the Zombies in the area. The fight was NOT over yet. After Liliana Passed, the rest of the Zombies were coming after Tallahassee again. Now he did the equivalent of the Tour de France on FOOT! The Zombies couldn't keep up. Tallahassee LEPT over the crawling zombies, eventually getting back to his SUV, which the blood of Tallahassee attracted more undead. Worse, the rotted life even invaded Tallahassee's weapons supply. as he jumped at him, he used his frying pan to TKO him. He then pulled out his final weapon: an M79 Grenade Launcher; clearly the SUV Tallahassee smuggled was initially owned by a bigger badass than him! The time has arrived... Tallahassee's Last Stand... With the engine disabled, the only thing Tallahassee could do is Fire Away. Such bloodshed just from exploding bodies, setting more on fire, and for kicks, slamming the same reawakening zombie guarding Tallahassee's weapons supply. He was so Hellbent, that so many zombies just kept coming. In fact, Tallahassee ran out of ammo, and was forced to use a frying pan, with a Baseball Bat for reserve. The fight could last forever, there were in fact millions of zombies in the Georgia/Arkansas/Florida Tri-State County alone. Tallahassee could've been retired WALKING DEAD Material as well after the dogbite... But after all the carnage, and all the destruction, blood, gore, brains, corpses, anything... There only stood one... Tallahassee. He was mildly shooken from destroying all those Zombies, but nonetheless, he was fine. He then went to his SUV, hopefully having it's engine cooled down, but... Tallahassee: DAMMIT! This car is busted! (Sigh) now I have to go on foot... He didn't get a Twinkie in the end, but he did an effort worth mentioning in the ZOMBIELAND historybooks... Being the first to fend off Armies of Zombies, without enough ammunition. Tallahassee finally took out the Stain Stick from the Glove Compartment, and cleaned up the blood... '' RULE 30: PACK YOUR STAIN STICK '' Tallahassee then went back home to try a find more supplies in case something this epic happened again... DBX! Results/Credits Boomstick: BEST. ZOMBIE. FIGHT. EVER!!! THE WINNER IS... TALLAHASSEE! Tallahassee is from ZOMBIELAND, owned by SONY PICTURES MEDIA. Liliana Vess is from MAGIC: the Gathering, owned by Wizards of the Coast/Hasbro. Category:Battle of the Genders Themed DBXs Category:West only themed DBXs Category:TCGs vs Movies themed DBXs Category:BMHKain